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Blogs > wickedeasy > wicked and that ain't so easy |
if love isn't the answer, is it the question?
if love isn't the answer, is it the question? i was rereading miller’s “for love” and was struck a number of times by the way in which the main character resonated with me. in the book Lottie is dealing with a family crisis and clearing out her mother’s home for sale. as she does this, she is working on an article about love….. her ruminations on love are throughout the book. at one point she is spatting with another character, male, and he is baiting her about the concept of love. she asks him several questions bout what love is to him: is it yearning…or fulfillment…is it knowing someone or not knowing them…having someone or not having someone. the man scoffs and says that the real issue is whether you want love at the center of your life or you don't. women do and men don’t. to some degree this makes sense to me. yes, it’s way too facile and a gross generalization but it has a kernel of truth in it. my friend’s is writing a paper for school on fucking….on what he perceives at the ripe old age of 21 to be an equal female need for sex. sex without any attachment and without any reason other than sex. i suggested that depending on the age and gender of his teacher his arguments would be viewed differently and could result in a lower grade. in part i was teasing, but not entirely. if one believes that sex is simply an enjoyable bodily function…rather than an expression of a deeper congress…he‘ll catch an A. if however, the teacher is more a romantic, older and less likely to have had sex for sex’ sake…the grade goes down. which brings me to my larger question….is there more to be felt/learned in making love than in having a good fuck? if we believe in the possibility of deep human connection…in love..is that, should that be the driving force behind sex…to increase the intimacy, to merge in a sense….to be for whatever fleeting moments, joined as one? at one point Lottie says to her husband….”you almost killed me.” he replies, “with kindness.” to which she answers..”regardless”. and why? because he loved his way……not her way….and she never felt safe/important/central. one could argue that she is inventing issues,but the feelings still remain. in the end when she returns to him…..he asks what it means, her coming home…and she says it means that she will pretend she can do it. he accepts this and says that that is all we do…tell ourselves a story…and then, with luck, it comes true. why is that one of the saddest things i have ever read? You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
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10/12/2007 12:28 pm |
yes, it is sad... true? Maybe... you keep making me think... and on my day off too! that is, despite my silliness, the reason I love you and your blog so much... Not all who wander are lost.
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Love is what makes sex fulfilling. Anything less is just fulfilling baser needs.
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Love? Fucking? Real? Imagined? WTF - Over! It's times like these when I'm so gald I'm 96... and ready to croak! I'll tell you what's sad... is to try mixin' love with fuckin'. Likely you're gonna get a reality you never imagined. Keep 'em separate; that's what I say. And if you find someone that actually loves you, and you love in return... consider yourself lucky. If they want to fuck?... don't fuck it up by tryin' (usually in vain) to please 'em! Just hand 'em a wad of cash and tell 'em to buy some fuckin'. The pros know how to give 'em exactly what they want - even if you don't (...know what they want.) After all - ain't that what you're payin' 'em for? Solar...
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10/13/2007 8:58 am |
is there more to be felt/learned in making love than in having a good fuck? Yes. And no. In my opinion. Thus far, I've had more intense physical sensation while fucking. But, it's been more emotionally intense to be able to be there, making love, with my heart open. I don't have any idea what I've learned from either fucking or making love, except that I like both experiences. And would hate to have to choose between one or the other. And, yes, it is terribly sad to sell ourselves on a story, hoping it will come true.
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Love and sex - like a binary system of celestial worlds. Within each world the other appears to be in orbit around it. Step aboard the shuttle-taxi dear WE....... And where are we going, the cosmic cabbie asks. warm xx
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10/13/2007 6:07 pm |
Sometimes I wonder if settling will be the only thing possible because I am beginning to think that I want more than is possible. Other times, I'm not sure what it is that I want and how would I know if I am settling or satisfied? confusion abounds, but... that is life, yes? Not all who wander are lost.
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we... That ain't no veneer, Baybee! You'll NEVER crack me in a week; not in a lifetime!!! I'm solid iron-wood - right down to my itsy-bitsy depleted uranium, titanium-shielded "soul"! *LMFAO* Solar...
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if one believes that sex is simply an enjoyable bodily function…rather than an expression of a deeper congress... It can be either. And despite men's reputation for being able to reduce sex to an enjoyable bodily function, with no romance involved...I think that many of them ARE desperate for some kind of connection...and sex is how they achieve it, however briefly.
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I thought you were talking about Henry, too, and I was scratching my head wondering, "I don't remember THIS part." The larger question: yes, there's much more to be felt/learned by making love. One opens themselves to possibly the entire range of human emotions. Joy, excitement, satisfaction, ennui, heartbreak, pain...they are all possible...I think fucking , by nature of being a subset of making love, also allows for only a subset of the feeling and learning. One requires and affords complete immersion; the other, merely technique.
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