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stuff your mother doesn't tell you
stuff your mother doesn't tell you my mother was a full disclosure sort of mom. she told me about sex. and not just the sort of cryptic birds and bees stuff but the whole shebang. i thought she had to be kidding. she told me about money and men in the workplace and how to fix a run in my stocking and ripen apples in a brown bag and get blood out of a white shirt. but there were a whole lot of things my mother didn't tell me about. and i wonder if there's a list somewhere that mothers have that says, don't tell them, they have to find out on their own cuz they simply won't believe you otherwise. or if they just get some sick fun out of watching you go through what they went through and getting to say, oh didn't i tell you that, honey? the biggest one is just how much it bloody hurts to give birth. and don't let anyone tell you you forget afterward. you don't. it's burned into your mind. my husband fainted and all he had to do was watch. oh sure, you get this baby at the end...yada yada, and they let you take it home...but the terror there is, you have no idea what to do with it. i remember the first time my cried for more than a minute or two. i called the pediatrician. he asked how long he'd been crying. i sobbed into the phone, 'ten minutes'. the man laughed at me....laughed. mothers don't tell you that despite the love you feel for your family, that there are moments when you will need to lock yourself in the bathroom so you don't take a knife and kill them all. i think it would have been good to know this in advance. when i called my mother to mention that i was locked in the bathroom, she laughed. she said, " did you bring some wine with you?" dammit...i forgot the wine. i wish that my mother had told me that when i got older i would feel like i was younger than i looked and that even though everyone else looked at me like i was older i still felt younger and was ready for anything so why didn't they know that?? mama didn't tell my that the ferocity of love i would have for my , would be so strong that my milk would let down whenever i heard a cry - any . and that this love would become the very core of me as a woman. maybe she just assumed that i would know that from looking into her eyes..smiles. my mother didn't tell me to pick a man that would put our before me. she hadn't known to do that. i didn't either. and when it comes down to it, you need that. otherwise, it's not a family, it's more like a feud. but my mother told me every day that she loved me. and she was there with me when my was born. and when my husband left. and every day that mattered in my life. hell, we used to watch television over the phone together and read the same books so we could share them and write letters every week even we talked almost every day. and when she knew it was her time to go,she asked me to come and stay. she told me all the stories she had told me as a girl so i could remember them all and we lay curled together on her bed for hours just telling each other our lives. she always had her secrets. smiles. we each had secrets with her. it was part of how we were special. i knew her from the inside out. she still lives in my heart. and she still chooses what to tell me and what not to tell me. she's a bit of a tease that way. You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
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i can relate to this: my mother didn't tell me to pick a man that would put our child before me. she hadn't known to do that. i didn't either. and when it comes down to it, you need that. otherwise, it's not a family, it's more like a feud. and: and when she knew it was her time to go,she asked me to come and stay. i love how women are, the intimacies we can share that men would never understand. that men would never think to ask for...
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Mom is dead and daddy is 88,,,but they raised me right also. ---------------------Dennis US ARMY (RETIRED) AND YOUR FRIEND I never mean to offend(blog or comment) anyone ,If I do contact me please. Please check out my blog Harley-Davidson Drive(19harley86)
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Bravo, if only we all could have/had mothers like that.
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3/27/2012 4:31 pm |
Yeah, sometimes, the only way you'll believe it is if you experience it for yourself! Chances are, if she said it would happen...it did; if she said he was no good...he usually wasn't worth crap! So yeah, the saying is definitely true...Mama's knows best! Otherwise, live and learn!
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Here's a few more things to add to that book of untold truths that are never articulated: You can do everything correctly and still end up with a pile of shit. Good parents can have bad children and bad parents can have good children. Never underestimate the stupidity of large groups of people.
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Your mother certainly passed on her best qualities to you. My dad was the storyteller and secret-keeper. My mom turns 85 next month. She's a very young 85--full of life and interests for which I'm appreciative. My grandmother, my mom, my aunts, and myself all quilt so I guess that's one interest that has become inter-generational. Never ignore those who care for you you will have lost diamonds while you were collecting stones
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3/28/2012 7:03 am |
Thank you again, for a wonderful post. You always get me where I live, WE.
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I cried when I read this to my daughter. That's the kind of relationship she and I have - and we both have worked so hard to get there. How lucky we are! And you too - and your mother! Beautiful - heartfelt - just like you!!! xoxo Always tell the truth Use kind words Keep your promises Giggle and laugh Be positive Love one another Always be grateful Forgiveness is mandatory Try new things Say please and thank you Say your prayers Smile ~Author unknown
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. Beautiful.
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thank you, WE.
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I really wonder why there is such a conspiracy to keep the difficult parts of motherhood quiet. I think that doing so leads to even greater feelings of inadequacy than someone facing a room full of screaming children would normally feel. I'm so glad that you had your mother and that you have such strong memories of her. How long has it been since she passed? Age cannot wither her, nor custom stale Her infinite variety. Other women cloy The appetites they feed, but she makes hungry Where most she satisfies. For vilest things Become themselves in her, that the holy priests Bless her when she is riggish. ~~ from Antony & Cleopatra
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WE, this filled me with wistfulness and hope. While I have a mother, she didn't really have a daughter. What I mean by that is that my mom had a lot of problems and parenting was not something she was cut out for. We had live in nannies growing up, then when we turned into teens, my folks divorced and she sent us to live with my dad. I've used to spend a lot of time wishing it was different. I think now that we're adults, mom does too, but she is far too proud to ever share that with me. That's what my mother never told me. She never told me that she wishes she had done things differently. (my siblings don't talk to her at all, but I do). The takeaway for me? A day doesn't go by that I don't love my children fiercely and protectively.
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