Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
Blogs > wickedeasy > wicked and that ain't so easy |
life......
life...... a very astute friend anabella said that if i can't take a week away from here - then that's exactly what i need to do. so....i need to spend some time looking at myself - not my favorite thing to do. i will leave you with a story if i may. a young woman sits by her window, anxiously watching the street that winds down from the water tower to her house. her hands twist in her lap and she can feel the heat of the tears on her face but does nothing to wipe them away. she stands, paces and then returns to her post, watching the evening dim, the streetlights come on and the first star appear in the sky. she makes a wish and her breath catches as a sob tries to escape her throat. the hour has long passed and now the vigil is simply one of sorrow and longing, the hope that she had is gone. a mature woman sits at her desk. her thoughts racing over the last three weeks, replaying moments in her mind - each moment just another sharp edge in need of smoothing down. she knows that time will work its magic and what is now so painful, so cutting will eventually become dulled and part of what happened, no longer able to seize her with panic. but right now, for these minutes, these hours, she twists on the cross she has made for herself and hot tears glide over her cheeks, falling onto her lap. years of trying to make sense of senseless things have brought her down. years of not being seen or loved have made her "doubt" so strong that it wins now, without even a battle. she has lost the thirst for battle. her body seems fragile, bent inwards, defeated. she stands, gathers her things together and makes sure to lock all the doors behind her. one last look. her eyes fill and the images blur and the smallest of sighs escapes her parted lips. her gait is uneven, slow, and seeing her one would think that she was older than she is. she stops and straightens, looks at the fading dusky sky and breathes deeply. there is no choice now. it is time. someone calls out her name and she turns and she reaches out her hand to this person who is almost too drunk to stand. putting her shoulder under his arm, she moves with him, walks with him, softly talking, chiding him, laughing with him, bringing him home. he looks at her and smiles, calls her his lady and bows to her before he settles onto his cot. she smooths back his oily hair, reminds the staff to watch him closely tonight. she walks to her car. the last glorious line of deep orange fades from the sky as she watches. it's time to check on the and she smiles thinking about seeing little Anthony who after six months of silence, now says "hey" when he sees her. life doesn't stop just because bad things happen and for each of us there is that moment of choice - to capitulate, or to hold on tightly and ride the damn roller coaster. i send love to my friends - going off for a while to ride the roller coaster - and i need to hold on tight, so no hands for typing right now. WE You cannot conceive the many without the one. |
||||
8/18/2006 6:41 am |
Love to you on the rollercoaster, BPB
| |||
8/18/2006 6:55 am |
WE - Whatever demons you're fighting with I hope you successfully challenge. I have the sense there are major changes coming for you. I hope they are integrated into your life in a positive manner...(((hugs)))
| |||
8/18/2006 8:01 am |
Sis ... this is a beautiful story. One that is so needed. Just remember, when you think it's too much to bare, when all seems too chaotic, there are those around you to anchor you in the storm. I'm here, for you. Don't lose sight of the lighthouse, I'm leaving the light on. Sending you "extended warm huggies" for this journey. Hope to talk to you soon.
| |||
8/18/2006 8:25 am |
Thinking of you today, WE. Sometimes the ride can be scary and seem like it will never end especially if one feels alone. YOU are not alone. *straps herself in that rollercoaster and rides with you.
| |||
|
precious, Fasten your seat-belt. It has a tendancy to help. You should never feel tied to the computer. Enjoy the ride, and LIFE. For all Time, Lady Hunter {=} After all the sex is gone, there is the mind - Lady Hunter / BAB Copyright © House of Lady Hunter 1998-2009
| |||
|
That is why I ride sky. Buckle up and brace yourself for the ride. Will miss you while you're gone but make a point of taking total time out. Hugs {=} warm xx
| |||
8/19/2006 8:53 am |
Yeah, the rollercoaster is skeery sometimes, but with the lows come some truly amazing highs. Good luck on finding whatever it is you seek.
| |||
8/19/2006 10:32 am |
just checking in on ya. Buttery Delight
| |||
8/20/2006 1:52 am |
LAtely I've likened my life to living in a cement mixer. Just had to get away - drove out thorugh the Sierra Mountains down into Nevada just to get that feeling of openness - the big picture, breathe cleaner air, see lots of stars in this huge vastness and bit by bit the worries and frustrations begin to loose their grip and seem insignificant the expanding the universe. The only thing that could have made it better would have been a good woman to share the experience with. There are two or three women on the blogs I would love to magically spirit away because I think they are special people who would enrich most any experience. You are one of them. Lots of love your way, please breathe and sing.
| |||
8/21/2006 3:17 am |
Understanding the roller coaster you are riding and giving you a hug for the extra strength you'll need to hold on to it... Hoping to catch up with you soon -B
| |||
|
Gently helps you with the seat belt.Hang on tight wicked ...will be waiting at the end with hugz and a stiff drink .Look north west ...I am throwing stars in the air for you, to help guide you . lacen
| |||
|
I'm with you WE.....I really am. Riding that roller coaster with you! ~hugs~
|
Become a member to create a blog